I'm huge on community. Anytime I get to talking to someone about the state of Black America I complain about two things: Fatherlessness and Lack of Community. I'm not gonna bedazzle you with my sociological wit by spitting random statistics about the social epidemic, I'm really talking about community. So, here's the story:
Mi amor y yo were on the J train traveling from Manhattan to Queens. The train wasn't too crowded for a late evening commute. We sat next to a young lady with two baby boys so close in age I'm going to assume that they were twins. Needless to say, as a father, my thoughts began to drift to the whereabouts of the father. Probably some dude that ran out on them, or was chilling with his boys, hugging the block trying to stack paper...I know it's horrible to stereotype people but if we can all be honest and dig deep, we can find that we stereotype day in and day out. This young lady had one baby in the strapped baby carriers and the other boy in the seat next to the doors. The baby who was strapped was chilling. Not a peep out of him. He had his pacifier in his mouth, like a real life Maggie from the Simpsons. He was cool as a fan. The other baby was screaming like the grinding of the 3 train, screeching, think Fulton-Broadway Nassau station, yeah, that bad.
One of my observations of young parents, especially moms who haven't learned the language of the cry (because in fact that is babies' way of communicating with us since their vocabulary is too limited for them to functionally make specific requests) is that they try to shut the baby up with techniques that are quick fixes. The problem is that often times quick fixes in these scenarios just prolong the inevitable, the crying baby on the J train. Her first tactic was to stuff his mouth with Toblerone Swiss chocolate candy. Yes, this toddler was getting Swiss chocolate shoved into his mouth, one piece at a time. After three sizable chunks of the sugary sensation, the baby was back to crying.
As the boo and I watched this situation unfold I sat there being a parental Marv Albert, calling the play-by-play of the seeming debacle in real time. It was my way of showing my expertise and proving to the boo that I can certainly handle reading the behaviors of children with a better eye than the shallow "he crying cuz he spoiled!"
Eventually an older lady thought she'd reach into her bag of tricks and pull out the finger-wag-stern-eyes. Yup. Middle-aged women were able to use this trick to perfection back in the day, that's because gullible boys raised in spiritual households (like myself) were told that to have an older woman wag her finger at you was a bad omen. So, if I was ever that bad in public (which I will venture to say I wasn't) that finger-wag shut me right up.
We must remember though, at this age a finger wag will do nothing but annoy the child. He was too young to understand the concept of omens, or even disrespect. She tried the "you-stop-that-crying-right-now" approach. To no avail. You cannot defeat an early toddler. If there's a battle, you lose. Children have way more will power. Her last attempt was a direct invite to battle. She lost.
The crying never stopped. He kept going and going. After a long day of work and watching two women unsuccessfully soothe this baby I decided to try and allow my fatherhood superpowers reign supreme. I got up and asked the mother if I could pick him up. She said yes. I looked the baby in the eye, smiled, got down to his level and grabbed him in a single bound. LOL. He was still pouting when the conversation, or lecture rather, began. I guess it was more of an interactive monologue, he never answered any of my questions. But the tone of my voice and the attention was all he wanted. He didn't want chocolate, or finger wags...he wanted to be soothed and paid attention to, like his brother was getting. I decided, way before this day, that fatherhood was a superpower, and I can exercise it in situations that called for it. Even if you are not a father, it takes a village to raise a child...help out...
"It takes a great man to be a good listener." - Calvin Coolidge
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Chinatown bus...
This was not long at all, in fact, it was pretty concise and to-the-point. The irony is... if men aren't even around to recognize the "reason" behind the crying of their own children how can they then be expected to try to comfort someone else's child?
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